Art By; Austen Mengler Visit https://www.austenmengler.com/my-shadows
Shadows from within me
Engulf my public persona in a blanket of darkness.
The anger and fear from deep inside corrode and rust my cloak,
destroying the very walls,
that hide my melancholy madness,
The only calm I feel being sadness.
Transitory intervals of change
A relief from the hatred that causes me rage.
My volatile impulses
Attempt self-sabotage at,
nearly every turn.
I love the chance to dream,
to sleep is to transform,
into a creature of survival.
To create pure feeling or moments of relief,
I numb my sensitivities to the pain of life.
When I inhale, my mask falls.
I feel remorse for my lack of involvement in human emotion
and pretend to snuff out my comforting vice of denial.
My responsible escapade ends quickly,
For I create the illusion, that I may be strong enough
to face my melancholy madness,
opening a floodgate of feelings.
Feelings of anger, resentment, fear, and insecurity take me over;
The deafening screams of my inner pain immerse me in my entirety.
I become stuck in a pattern of reality and cloaks.
The cloak itself becoming painfully intense, to the point of needing to be masked itself.
My persona’s and truth split me in half,
with even smaller sub-divisions.
I fast from life,
Engaging in emotional starvation,
For the alternative is chaos
A magnetic fury of PARANOIA and RAGE.