Reality and Cloaks

Reality and Cloaks

Art By Austin Howlett

Shadows from within me,
engulf my public persona in a blanket of darkness.

The anger and fear from deep inside corrode and rust my cloak, destroying the very thing I use, to hide my melancholy madness,

The only calm I feel is sadness. Transitory intervals of change; a relief from the hatred that causes me rage.

My volatile impulses
attempt self-sabotage at,
nearly every turn.

I love the chance to dream.
To sleep is to transform,
into a creature of survival.

To create pure feelings or moments of relief,
I numb my sensitivities to the pain of life.
When I inhale, my mask falls.

I feel remorse for my lack of involvement in human emotion
and pretend to snuff out my comforting vice of denial.

My responsible escapade ends quickly,
I create the illusion that I am strong enough to face reality, opening a floodgate of feelings.

Feelings of anger, resentment, fear, and insecurity take me over;
The deafening screams of my inner pain immerse me in my entirety.

I become stuck in a pattern of reality and cloaks.
The cloak itself becomes painfully intense, to the point of needing to be masked itself.

My façade and truth split me in half, with even smaller sub-divisions.

I fast from life.
Engaging in emotional starvation.
The alternative is chaos.

A magnetic fury of PARANOIA and RAGE.